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rocky road

 

 

Preface

 

At the outset, I must say that I am not a novelist, I hardly even write letters these days, and I rarely reply to anonymous letters, so, for anyone picking out grammatical errors or omissions - tough! Go and find something useful to do. I do like the anomalies of the English language though, in fact I've always been interested in languages, I appreciate the art and cunning of linguistics. Indeed, I've often been called a cunning linguist.

 

I certainly don't believe in politics, it doesn't matter who you vote for, the government always gets in. I've always said that Guy Fawkes was the only honest person to enter the Houses of Parliament - and look what happened to him. Why do you think the announcement on the London underground train states "A light for the houses of Parliament" as the train arrives at Westminster? It is said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. Did you know, by the way, that it is unfortunately illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament?  It's a strange anomaly that Britain is governed by the politicians in the houses of parliament, in a place where the Speaker of the House is not himself even allowed to speak! Politics in itself is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book, as did previous Prime Minister Tony Bliar. In my book, Govt. is a four letter word, so I have never voted, except a few times for Screamin' Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party. But that's another story...

 

Although I hear that reincarnation is making a comeback, I am not a religious person and consider myself an atheist (thank God). However, I believe that I have abided by most of the Ten Commandments (except the one about coveting your neighbour's ox). I don't steal, I know how much the government hates competition. I am a person of many convictions, and remember, the only way to make crime pay is to become a Lawyer. After all, a Lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns can, and Lawyers are the only persons to whom ignorance of the law is not punishable.

 

I will be writing this novel, which will become my first unauthorised autobiography, on my PC, unlike the novel Tom Sawyer, which was the first novel ever written on a typewriter, I digress, well why not, it's a free country - almost. I decided that it is high time that I put pen to paper, and so I bought a computer. Whoever said that the pen is mightier than the sword had obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

 

I have written every word in this book from memory, there was never anything written down, not even in a diary. I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me. Proofreading is the hard part, you have to proofread very carefully to see if you any words out. It is work of fact, not fiction, indeed it is fair to say that income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

 

I personally don't read a lot of books, I've not even read this one, but then again I don't need to - I know how it ends. I've never bought a newspaper and read them very infrequently, and only then out of boredom and for sheer entertainment. I'm definitely a self-confessed non-conformist and a firm believer in antiestablishmentarianism (if there are a few extra letters in there, I'm sorry about that). Even as a kid, I would have an After Eight mint at 6 o'clock, just to rebel. Then came rock & roll, which was my escalator to fame. And in due course, I worked my way up from nothing, to a state of extreme poverty. Consequently, I have always been opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

 

After more than 35 years of entertaining people and having had the pleasure of visiting all four corners of the globe in the process, (can a globe have four corners?), I consider myself a citizen of the world. Alas, living on the Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. I have seen it all and done it all, the problem is I can’t remember most of it. The wages of sin is death, and the wages for playing rock & roll are not much better. I can say that there are worse places than prison, and I know because I've played them. Nevertheless, I have always liked rock & roll, not just the music but the clothes, the people, the way of life and the cars. Where else would you find big imposing cars with massive finns (except at a Helsinki Police station, of course)? Rock & roll is not just a matter of life and death - it's more important than that. I'm very philosophical about it all, I started out with nothing in life and I've still got most of it left. I learnt at an early age that you can’t have everything….where would you put it?

 

In the seedy world of rock & roll, whilst you can certainly meet a lot of fascinating characters, remember that friends may come and go, but, as I have found out, enemies tend to accumulate. Having been involved in the music business since the early 1970s, I have throughout that time amassed a vast assortment of anecdotes and mareseydotes and little lamseydivey, in conjunction with amusing reminiscences of that period, and I now have the opportunity to pass on these memories in the following chapters. I planned to write this book many years ago, but just kept putting off the inevitable. After all, procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday, which is yet another way of saying don't put off today what you can avoid doing altogether the day after tomorrow. In any event, if I had written this book several years ago, it wouldn't have been complete, and you wouldn't be reading these words now. After all, outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, whereas inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

 

'The Rocky Road', is essentially the story of a rock & roll piano player, Rockin Dave, yours truly, the ups, but mainly downs of a rocker's life. A rocky road that has many times become a cul de sac. I must confess, I was born at a very early age and soon discovered that the road of life is a indeed a rocky road, exceedingly so, just like any road that you might walk down. A road filled with pot holes that you can fall in, and uneven cracks that you can trip up on, and lots and lots of dog shit.

 

I remember at an early age watching the likes of teen idols Paul Anka and Bobby Vinton on TV, and wanted to follow in their footsteps. I soon became a teen, but was never idle, maybe that's where I went wrong. I remember with warmth how, on dark rainy days in England, I would stand with my family around the piano located in the drawing room, - wishing that someone could play it. I have never been backward at coming forward and I have always had an ambition to write a book, but until I was born, my life was pretty boring. In fact, practically everybody in London has half a mind to write a book, and does. In theory, everything works, as I found out. I have had many nice things said about my piano playing and songwriting, but soon realised that flattery is just an insult in gift wrapping.

 

This book will provide insights to concerns that you never knew you had. It will both shock and enlighten. Indeed, it will offend some parties, especially those who are cronies of the state. It isn’t what this book will cost that matters. It’s what it will cost you if you don’t read it. Rumours that profits derived from this publication are being donated to a raffle for the Policeman's Ball are entirely speculative. And any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely intentional, and any similarity to any person either living or dead is also definitely intended. Should any of the content found in this book be deemed, or maybe even found to be offensive, indecent or otherwise objectionable - well, that means that you're just an old fuddy-duddy. You know what they say,- If you can't take the heat, get a fan. I did and some of them still buy my music.

 

WARNING

 

There is an enormous amount of challenging information in this book. Please do not continue if you are dependent on your present belief system, or if you feel that you cannot cope emotionally with what is really happening in this world. To all the judges, police, immigration officers and the Crown Prosecution Service, bailiffs, ladies in waiting, and ladies who have given up waiting, the events in this book never happened. For the rest of the world, this is the way it was. Only some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty. So herewith, I present my offering in the form of this novel, and I sincerely hope that you will waste no time in reading it.

 

Rockin Dave

 

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